Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
