My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
