what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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