I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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