More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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