I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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