They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
