Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
