dude i'm inner monologue high
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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