You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
