Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
