I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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