you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
