you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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