Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
