Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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