This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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