So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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