She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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