I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
