i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
