Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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