i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
