I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
