omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize