I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
