It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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