Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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