Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
