Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
