you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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