If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
