im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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