So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
