You're my little dorito
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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