im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
