Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
