Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
