You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
