did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
