your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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