so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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