Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
