we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize