Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize