News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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