That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize