Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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