so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Farmville is her only friend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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