you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
