I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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