Pregnant stripper...not hot.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
