Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
