he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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