Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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