you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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