goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
