i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize