Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize