Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
