Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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