Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize